I had a very wild ride several years back with a group called “Access Consciousness” and I am trying to make sense of what it all means. It’s been about 5 years since I experienced all this so I have so much built up emotion and thoughts about it.
A little bit about my background: I was raised Catholic and went to a Catholic parochial school for K-12. After my schooling, I had always been a lukewarm Christian – I called myself Christian in name and “went through the motions” of going to church and doing the traditions. I always felt like I was missing something in terms of spirituality and the “big picture” of it all.
About 5 years ago, I had the opportunity to attend a free 5 day classes from a group called “Access Consciousness”. If you are not familiar with Access, it’s like a Scientology Lite. The instructors who teach their courses are called “facilitators” and these courses are the pricey side (some of them are in the thousands) My first impression was that is some kind of wacky new age group for eccentric rich people. The people I met in this course were very kooky in an endearing sort of way, I don’t think any of them were insidious.
The weirdness began on day 1 of the 5 day class. I was in the group listening to the Access Consciousness facilitator speak in this flowery, dreamy, and strange way, and I could feel my palms start tingling. Even I thought this was all some “woo woo” nonsense, a part of me was starting to acknowledge it subconsciously.
Things got progressively weirder in the next few days. I got to participate in the classes. It’s a bit hard to explain, because when I joined the class, I knew very little about Access or their practices. The practices that they do are similar to Reiki or energy healing but it’s rebranded with their own spin on things. (they have a website that explains more about their classes (I am not sure if I can share links here, but you can look them up). So in these classes, we were learning to do techniques that are very similar to energy healing. Access has this trademarked concept known as “Access Bars”.
During the next few days of the classes, I was taught how to do Bars and a few other techniques. They worked on massage tables. There were times when I was on the table and someone was facilitating on me and there were times when I was facilitating on the person on the table. I was started to notice that things felt more strange and different. I started to notice that I was becoming more aware of vibrations, emotions, sensations and feelings. After day 3 or so, I started to feel giddy and almost high off that energy.
On day 4 or 5, the energy of what we were doing felt like it was building up. At one point, I was laying down on the table and my partner who I was working with started to place her hands on various parts of my body. I could feel something big was about to happen. That is when she put her palm on my forehead, right over my third eye and everything felt like it started to explode. It was like I was struck by lighting and I was being electrocuted in a way and I was shaking like I was having a seizure. I felt like I was having an out of body experience and….expanding in a way. I felt like I went somewhere else like another realm for a few minutes and had a vision where I saw images flashing before my eyes. It looked like past memories of something (possible Akashic records accessing). At one point I was crying and asked the class facilitator If I was dying. It hurt so good, and just being filled with that energy led me to tears because it was so beautiful.
The come down was intense. It was like I was coming down from taking a powerful drug. I felt confused, and I had a massive throbbing in the center of my forehead, right where my third eye is. In the upcoming weeks, that same throbbing headache in the middle of my forehead would continue. Along with tingling palms. Everything from that point into the next few weeks and months felt like a blur. I was trying to adjust from what I experienced and going back to my “normal life”.
The thing is, I was so crazy and life-altering, I forced myself to try and forget about the whole experience. In the following years proceeding the event, I acted like it never happened and tried to go back to a “boring life”. It’s been 5 years and I am still processing it all. Trying to understand what it all means. On top of that, I am trying to live my life. I had struggled with anxiety and depression before my experience, along with typical life stuff like family, work and relationships. How the hell am I supposed to understand all this? What the hell does it all mean.
Thank you for listening. Love and light.
